I have thought for a long time about having a blog to share my thoughts and experiences with any who would care to read them. I tried to come up with an "cool" blog title....but I kept returning to the first phrase that entered my head. I believe that it stuck with me because my thoughts will often seem like they were flung....willy nilly...up on a wall without any plan. Unfortunately, when my wife Jen hears what I named my blog....I am sure she will be mortified beyond measure.
I do hope and pray that upon reading my thoughts and ramblings you will be encouraged in your walk with Christ. That is my biggest reason for having this blog and my Dad's cancer is the catylyst for finally writing one.
Last Monday was my Dad's 86th birthday. But "Happy" is not the best way to describe it. He is in the midst of a treatment that won't heal the cancer, but is supposed to "shrink" the size of the tumors and help with the pain. The treatment takes nearly 8 hours to administer and the side effects can be dangerous, as well as painful. He made it through treatment #1, but was so weak afterwards that despite his vow of not using a wheelchair to leave the hospital...eventually that is what occurred when 2 nurses and my sister Meredith couldn't support him as he tried to walk out.
My Dad is coming to the end of his life and it is not what any in his family pictured it would look like or would want for him. The medications that he is taking is removing most of the pain, but is also removing the parts of Dad that we have come to love and adore. His quick wit......he hearty laugh......his easy smile.....are all being surpressed with confusion.....anger.....accusations.....and extreme exhaustion. Why would God allow this to happen? Isn't there some way that this situation can be reversed or changed?
It could be very easy to get angry and upset at the Lord for allowing Dad to experience all of these awful consequences that result from this incurable cancer, but in so doing we would be failing to acknowledge how God has provided for and guided Mom and Dad, and our whole family for as long as we can remember. Does this experience that Dad is going through nullify all that God has done for us in the past? No! We need to look back on our lives....on our Dad's life, and see the many Ebenezer's or Stones of Remembrance that we have raised in our minds to remind ourselves of HIS Faithfulness. Those stones would be too many to list, but in reflecting on them, we would be strengthened in our faith during this awful time that often brings doubt....brings confusion....brings sorrow.
Does God owe us an explanation as to why he has let Dad get this incurable cancer, and the resulting pain and agony that results? No, He will not offer explanations but He asks us to rest in his PROMISES that He has, He will, and He always follows through on. As one of my favorite songs goes"You are my hiding place, you always fill my heart, with songs of deliverance, whenever I am afraid....I will Trust in YOU!
